For the last five years I have been fighting with depression. This year I decided to accept that I was feeling depressed and then knowing what that darkness was that I was fighting with, I began to attack it with some clarity and strength; I saw a psyciatrist, talked to my friends, asked myself some hard questions holding God's hand through it all and started looking outward again instead of being stuck with my eyes turned inward. It feels so good to be out of that dark, critical, hopeless, unmotivated, lonely place. So now that I feel like my joyful self again I have some bad habits to break in myself mostly in regards to how I treat my husband...ok God, how?
In the summer my mom and I read Dr. Laura Schlessinger's "The proper care and feeding of husbands". The concepts in that book challenged me a lot and encouraged me to be an awesome wife. Did God use Dr. Laura to speak to me? Sure did. So I would like to share this journey of becoming an awesome wife. How long will it take? Oh, probably the rest of my life. But I am sure that it will be worth it. I hope you will hike along and share your thoughts here too.
A few other wives and I are getting together to read and discuss this book a couple times a month, my hope is that we will bat some thoughts back and forth here between book club nights. If anyone else wants to join the online discussion you are very welcome to read along.
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Breaking Bad Habits & Learning to Be a Wife.
ReplyDeleteMany firsts are on the horizon for me. This is my first book club (though I’ve always wanted to join one); my first active blog participation; and in a way my first time learning to be a wife.
Although I’ve been married for nearly five years and am now a mother, I often feel that I’ve lost my self identity.
I suppose it isn’t really lost, but rather it has changed and I don’t know how to be a wife or mother.
I don’t recall my parents teaching me how to be a wife. I didn’t learn it at school or university either—not even at Bible School. It’s no wonder I fill like a fish out of water.
The “honeymoon” stage of being married wore off and became the “now what?” stage. I’ve often thought and somewhat wished I could go back to my wedding day and start over. Even more so, I wish I could go back to when Matthew and I first started dating. I would marry him over again, but the foundation would be different.
I’ve learned a lot about relationships and marriage that I wish someone would have told me prior to getting engaged. The only thing I really remember being told about choosing a husband is to, “make sure he is a Christian.”
Instead, I wish someone would have told me to choose a man that is a spiritual leader. I wish someone would have taught me about sex—other than wait until your married and use birth control. I wish someone would have taught me how to deal with disappointment and how lonely you can feel even when you are sitting next to your spouse.
Reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has been an eye opener to me on many levels. Five years is a long time to wander through a marriage and unknowingly develop bad habits and attitudes.
My hope is that this group will help me break my bad habits and learn to be a great wife, then embrace it.
The Adventure Contingency
ReplyDeleteAn amalgamation of thoughts continues to circulate through my mind since our last meeting. They seem to envelope one topic bordering on multifaceted tangents. I struggle to sum it up in my own words, but the theme seems to be: attitude, self-identity, respect, boredom, adventure, contentment.
An idea Dr. Laura presents in the introduction of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has been bothering me all week. On page xxii she states: Your attitude makes all the difference in the quality of your life.
I know she is referencing our attitude toward men/our husbands, but I can’t help but to apply the idea to my entire life. In the margin of the book I wrote, “Enjoy the process of life rather than just the events in it.”
At our last meeting, I expressed I feel bored with my life due to its lack of adventure, I’ve lost my self-identity, and I don’t know if I truly understand what it means to respect my husband. I can’t help but to think that somehow the root of all these issues is my attitude.
I could post a litany of reasons why I’m bored, how I’ve lost my self-identity, and what I understand respect to be. But I won’t because on Sunday evening I learned something about myself that came as a surprise and puts things into perspective.
It started around 5:45pm when I woke up on the couch from a self-induced medicated state due to a migraine. It was still light outside so I didn’t realize it was so late and church had already started. When I realized the time, I was irritated that I was late for church and didn’t know if I should bother still trying to make it before the singing ended.
But I did.
I’m thankful that God woke me up and placed in me the pressing desire to show up to church, despite the extreme tardiness.
Through Pat’s sermon, I realized that for the first time in my life I am discontent. I always thought of discontentment stemming from wanting more money, power, material things etc... I’ve never had an issue with those things. But I realized that my contentment is contingent on adventure.
My current phase of life is new to me and lacks what I consider adventure. Lack of adventure equates discontentment, which develops a blah attitude and “makes all the difference in the quality of [my] life.”
Now that I know this, it is up to me to learn the secret to contentment. Imagine how it would change my marriage.
“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13