I recently watched "The Notebook" again. You are introduced to Noah and Ali in their senior and young adult years and they are crazy in love in both. It is easy to see the passion in the younger days. In their senior years Noah gives up his home and life he knows and probably really enjoys, to live in an old folks home to be with is beloved wife. Struggling with dementia, she rarely remembers who Noah is. However, he reads to her everyday, takes her for fresh air, eats with her, provides opportunity for her to see their children, whom she has forgotten. He does whatever he can to bring her some joy, to make her day easier, pleasant. Why? I would say it is because he loves her like crazy, even still.
When Tim and I were 'courting', he wrote me love notes on the pavement in marbles, sang to me, brought me soup when I was sick, took me on romantic (attempted) outings... Why? Well, of course because he loved me like crazy! Does he still do these things? Mm, sometimes. Definitely not as often. Does that mean he loves me less or takes me for granted? No, it doesn't. Today that 'courting' just looks different. This was an interesting point in Chapter One. Now he shares the budget with me so I am aware, he talks to me about his day-his frustrations and accomplishments, he keeps the boys quiet so that I can sleep a little longer, he does the dishes a lot of the time because he knows I hate having a dirty kitchen, and he abolishes clutter because I am bad at it and it drives me nuts.
Have I seen these things as Tim 'courting' me? Not usually. Why does he do it? Definitely not because he just has a hankering for it. He wants to bring me a little extra joy in the day, make my job easier, pleasant. He wants to show me that he loves me like crazy and desires me enough to put his desires and comforts aside for a time. The question now is do my actions say the same to him?
Quote from a wife (pg 11-12)
...Without acknowledging the more subtle ways our husbands show us they love us, we rob ourselves and them of that connection. When their efforts are ignored long enough, isn't it inevitable that they'll eventually stop?
We are reading Chapter 2 this week
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you are a fortunate woman. I have heard your husband talk behind your back and he is crazy about you. He builds you up and thinks the world of you. He brags about you...all the time. He speaks romance even when you are not within earshot. Your husband loves you...you are a fortunate woman!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with the book, I am older and have experienced the fact that if you do not acknowlege his acts of kindness they will indeed stop!! And it is awful when they stop and the only way to get them to start again, as far as I can see, is to acknowlege that you did notice and that you now see that you did not respond in a loving way and want to change that. The key is to actually take that first step and change that instant, and do for him some acts of kindness that prove your love for him. It's not that easy because what you think those things are are probably different than he does, so talk about it, ask him what would make him smile. Love him up!!! and you will thank yourself forever!
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