Sex and Ice cream

How many wives wish their husbands were stronger spiritual leaders? (After writing that sentence I have become very curious as to the answer.) How many of us have a husband with a strong, growing and/or deep faith and still we wish they were stronger leaders in the home or our relationship? I know it is true for a few friends I have talked with. So why is this? I once said to my husband that "if our spiritual relationship was an ice cream cone I feel like I get a lick every once in a while." He was discouraged by that comment. I want to connect , I want to share that ice cream cone.
I am beginning to wonder about this connectedness. From my experience and the men quoted in this book, I hear that men connect intimately on a physical level, especially through sex, that then gives way to the emotional/spiritual level. Women on the other hand want to connect intimately on an emotional/spiritual level and then that opens the door for the physical intimacy.
These are needs we each have. Why did God set us up this way? I'd venture to say He did it that way so we can really understand what it means to be selfless, to trust. Do I give my physical self as a gift to my husband? A gift being something given with pleasure without expecting something in return. Aren't we called to attend to each others needs? Didn't we promise that when we got married?
If my husband is feeling shut-down so often in the area where he is most familiar/comfortable and feels his greatest intimacy and vulnerability with me, then why would he venture to open up and pursue intimacy in those other areas of our relationship where he feels less comfortable?When did it become all about me? I want to show my husband love by doing everything I can to meet his needs. It's the least I can do. After all, he does a wonderful job of doing that for me. But even if he didn't...
So back to the ice cream cone...maybe there is not two ice cream cones, spirituality and sexuality but one cone. He has the cone and I have the ice cream. They need each other to be whole.

This topic came out of our discussion from the introduction. The following quote comes from the intro and really encompasses my experience with this book.

" I am a thirty-seven-year-old man who has seen quite a bit in live, and I can offer this to your search for how to treat a man. We are men, not dumb-dumbs, psychics, or one bit unromantic. We need only clear communication, appreciation, honest love, and respect. This will be repaid by laying the moon and stars at your feet for your pleasure. There is no need to 'work' a man to get what you want. We live to take care of a wife, family, and home. Just remember that we are men, and know that our needs are simple but not to be ignored.
A good man is hard to find, and simple to keep." -Dan